Freaks in HK

The pointy haired man exists!

| Erica Fong

So you may have already heard about (or seen) this impossibly pointy haired man shaping his hairstyle in the MTR, and the way he did so with the exaggerated movements seemed so ridiculous that I was pretty sure he wasn’t real (ie. that it was a prank of some sort).

But lo and behold, while I was in the 24-hour Wellcome’s cookie aisle last night, I saw Mr. Pointy Hair himself next to me checking out the cracker options.

I couldn’t help but get excited at the sight of him and the pyramid of hair that sat on top of his head. Stiff and full of gel or hairspray, or both.

He seemed to notice the stares (as he kept looking at me), probably because I kept glancing at him too. And something told me that he must know that he’s become somewhat of an internet sensation, because he seemed to welcome the attention as he walked through the aisles.

Unfortunately, the video of him that used to exist on Facebook has been taken down…so you’ll just have to take my word for it that he exists!

A hairy wristband

| Erica Fong

I know it’s rude to stare, but last night, I saw something that I just couldn’t tear my eyes away from.

He was standing across me in the MTR, looking rather normal for a Hong Kong dude (glasses, short black hair, T-shirt and jeans, and holding an iPad). It was probably his iPad that drew my eyes toward his wrist, which is how I noticed that he was wearing some kind of hairy wristband.

‘Pretty neat,’ I thought to myself as my eyes zoomed in, wondering what kind of material it was made of. It was super thick, so maybe faux fur? But then, the sudden realisation hit me that that was no wristband — that was a GIGANTIC rectangular MOLE wrapped around his wrist with a thick forest of hair growing out of it.

Feeling a mixture of shock, fear and awe (it was, after all, the biggest and hairiest mole I’ve ever seen), my eyes were locked onto that dark patch of densely grown hair until its owner stepped off the MTR. Where he’s gone, I have no clue, but one thing’s for sure — I won’t be forgetting the hairy wristband anytime soon.

Little Miss Blockhead

| Erica Fong

There’s a girl in my building whom I just had to immortalize into drawing. I see her maybe once a week, sometimes less, but each time, I’m shocked at how BIG her head is. Not only is it big, it’s also totally block-shaped, thanks to her square jaw and thick, black hair that’s cut and blown in the shape of a box.

Stupid happy blockhead

Sometimes, I’ll see her strutting down the street alone with a big goofy smile on her face, apparently feeling very happy about herself despite not having anyone around (that always creeps me out) but once our eyes meet and she catches me staring, her expression immediately darkens and she casts a glare at me like she wants me dead!

Angry blockhead

I could be wrong, but her glare also seems to say, “What are you staring at, you jealous of what I got?!” It’s downright creepy and I usually divert my eyes right away. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I highly doubt it as my colleague has spotted her before and got “the chills” too. What have I ever done to you, Little Miss Blockhead?

Spiderman is from Sichuan?!

| Erica Fong

Last October, I had the privilege of seeing what I now proudly refer to as “the greatest and most amazing show I have ever seen!!” What could this be, you ask? A Lady Gaga concert? Too simple. A David Copperfield magic show? How amateur! What I’m talking about is the Sichuan Opera!

Now before you grunt and groan at the thought of all the dok-dok-chaaaaang‘s and high-pitched, stretched out wailing, hear me out. The Sichuan Opera is different. Instead of simply being an on-stage ear-lashing musical, a typical Sichuan opera show features a variety of captivating performances, including a stick puppet show, hand shadow show, comedic skit, fire-spitting and last but not least, the totally awesome and mind-boggling art of face changing!

To be honest, I have never in my life seen anything more amazing, majestic, awesome and thrilling. Watching the performers in their elaborate costumes strut on-stage, strike dramatic poses with piercing, taunting eye stares, wave their flags (swoosh-swoosh) like ancient warriors and blow firey flames into the crowd…I was mesmerized! In fact, I don’t think I’ve stopped raving about this show since I saw it, and you can take a wild guess what I was for Halloween last year:

 (Too bad no one knew what I was, lol!)

So, it was with this rabid enthusiasm and love for Sichuan face changing that I persuaded my friends to join me at Yun Yan Sichuan Restaurant last night, mainly (if not only) because they had a free performance starting at 8pm every Thursday evening.

“Don’t be late or you’ll miss the performance!” I had warned them repeatedly. But now, I really wish they had all turned up late so they didn’t have to see the absolutely ridiculous and downright sh*tty performance it turned out to be!

First of all, with the modern yet drab interior of the restaurant, it was slightly odd to see a pudgy, costumed man in a cheap golden cape enter the room cued by what was apparently the Star Wars theme. The music quickly escalated into a cheesy Chinese song with the lyrics “bian lian” repeated a bajillion times (translation: “Change Face! Change Face! Change Face!” while the guy crept slowly around the dining tables in flat, dirty white boots (what happened to the platforms, man!?).

The face changing was actually yawn-inducing and our whole table seemed to be laughing AT how bad he was, especially when he stuck one leg up in the air, glared at us and shook like a leaf. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the poser suddenly flicked on a Spiderman(!) mask, followed by a Jack O’ Lantern(!!) mask! WTF, right!? In conclusion, please do NOT see the face changing show at this restaurant and get the real thing in Chengdu instead!

Picking your battles

| Erica Fong

A couple days ago, an innocent HK lady was attacked on the MTR by a psychotic Mainland woman. After making eye contact, the Mainland woman thought she heard the HK lady cursing her, so she walked up to her, took out her knife (which she normally used for self defense, she said) and started slashing. Even after the knife broke in two, she picked up the blade with her bare hands to continue her attack!

But enough with my boring commentary. Watch this action-packed video (courtesy of Apple Daily) to see how it all went down! This has gotta be one of my favourite things about Hong Kong: serious events (usually gory and violent) turned comical thanks to silly comic strips and in-house animations. I mean, imagine the delight of the team who had to make these visuals overnight!

“OK, who wants to draw the crazy lady?”
“Me me me me meee!”
“Who wants to do the voiceover of the girl getting attacked?”
“Ooo, me me me! I’ve got an amazing shriek!”

The soundtrack to the video is just awesome and I love all the irrelevant details. I mean, maybe I’m missing something but why did they mention that the guy who picked up the knife in the end had just bought a cake (is it an attempt at irony, or simply an ad for Maxim’s!?)?

Anyway, this incident has made me rethink all the battles I usually pick in the MTR. From staring competitions to the ol’ push and shove (and occasional kick), I wonder if it’s just best to put on your coldest stone face and act like no one around you really exists. Hmm…sound familiar? So if you’re still wondering why HK people never make eye contact, you now have your answer!

Beware of Pervert

| Erica Fong

O-M-G. My colleagues just enlightened me with this video today, and all I gotta say is… I ain’t touching no MTR poles no more!!

Note: Disturbing content below…