Josh do it!

My tribute to Joshua Wong, the 17-year-old political activist in Hong Kong who may scrawny and nerdy-looking, but an inspiration to so many (including me). Read more about him here.

#OccupyCentral #supportHK To everyone out there who might be hearing otherwise, the protests are very calm and peaceful, everyone is just sitting around, being supportive, recycling garbage, helping one another out, whether by spraying mist to help cool down, passing out free bread, water, masks, towels, etc. chanting, singing, studying, etc.  #ILoveHongKong

The pointy haired man exists!

So you may have already heard about (or seen) this impossibly pointy haired man shaping his hairstyle in the MTR, and the way he did so with the exaggerated movements seemed so ridiculous that I was pretty sure he wasn’t real (ie. that it was a prank of some sort).

But lo and behold, while I was in the 24-hour Wellcome’s cookie aisle last night, I saw Mr. Pointy Hair himself next to me checking out the cracker options.

I couldn’t help but get excited at the sight of him and the pyramid of hair that sat on top of his head. Stiff and full of gel or hairspray, or both.

He seemed to notice the stares (as he kept looking at me), probably because I kept glancing at him too. And something told me that he must know that he’s become somewhat of an internet sensation, because he seemed to welcome the attention as he walked through the aisles.

For those who have yet to view him in action, here it is:

Barcode men

Question: What do you call men with combovers in Thailand?

(…)

A barcode!! 
Now why didn’t I think of that… (thanks to my colleague in Thailand who enlightened me). Apparently it’s a term first coined by the Japanese, who refer to men with combovers as ‘barcode dudes’. Love it!

Chinese New Year flowers for dummies

Confession: I’m a horrible Chinese. It’s four days from Chinese New Year and I still haven’t cleaned or decorated my home!! (Half of that’s because I’m not really sure how to — yup, I’m kinda clueless.)

I know we need to have fresh flowers in the home since they represent ‘new birth and regrowth’ in the new year, but which ones should I get? If you’re having the same dilemma as me, here’s a quick guide to some of the most popular choices:

Peach blossom 

What they do: Help you live longer; give single people hope.
Why: The blossoms symbolise growth, prosperity, long life and romance.
Where to put it: In the oldest and nicest porcelain vase you have — it’s believed that the older the vase, the longer the flowers will bloom.

Kumquat tree

What it does: Make the money roll in.
Why: Gumgut (in Cantonese) is a pun for gold (gum) and good fortune (dai gut). 
Where to put it: In doorways.

Narcissus

What it does: Make you rich.
Why: Its yellow and white flowers represent gold, silver and wealth. Plus, they smell good.
Where to put it: In a shallow dish with smooth pebbles and filled with water.

Peonies

What they do: Bring luck and good fortune.
Why: Known as the ‘flower of riches and honour’ in Chinese, they symbolise feminine beauty, love and affection. Red ones are most popular for CNY. 
Where to put it: Anywhere that looks good!

Pussy willow

What they do: Bring money in (surprise!)
Why: The Chinese name ‘yin liu’ means ‘silver willow’, which sounds like ‘money flowing in’. If they bloom during the first 15 days of CNY, you’ve hit the jackpot!
Where to put it: In a container of water at room temperature in a cool, shaded area. 
Other popular flowers include orchids, lilies, azalea, sunflowers, and pretty much every flower under the sun (except roses, I think). For more on CNY flowers, check out this handy guide
And… should you want to send some CNY greetings to your friends and family, check out my all-new Miss Fong in Hong Kong CNY postcards!

Squished!

You know that idiot who rushes into the MTR at the very last second when the doors are going doot-doot-doot-doot-doot and gets caught right in between, forcing the doors to bounce back open and the entire MTR train to stall, not to mention all the other trains behind it?

…yup. That was me. :/

I never thought it would be, but I blame my super sound-proof earbuds from Samsung and a particularly juicy email I was reading on my phone. As usual, I was following a massive crowd into the MTR, with no clue of how many seconds had passed since the doors had first opened, and before I knew it, I was being violently shoved to the left and squished in between the two platform doors.

What’s worse — my middle finger (which happens to be the longest part of me when squished, good to know) was caught in the actual MTR doors, and I can only imagine what the people on the inside were thinking as they stared at my lone finger poking through.

Time stood still as I wondered whether anyone would notice that I was stuck, and whether the train would suddenly take off with my middle finger (hopefully not as it’s got my favourite ring on it!). It was a little like being Hans Brinker — you know, the Dutch boy who plugged a leaky dam with his finger — only I was clogging up the MTR trains with mine.

The whole time, I made sure to avoid eye contact and keep a blank expression on my face as if nothing strange was happening (the way a true Hong Konger would) until finally, the doors sprung back open and I was freeeee!!!

PS. For anyone wondering what it feels like to be squished by the MTR doors, they’re actually much stronger than they look! Don’t expect them to be like elevator doors that spring open at the lightest touch — these doors can and will probably crush old people with osteoporosis (so drink your milk, kids!). I got two giant bruises on both arms after this incident, so watch out! 😦

Canto 101: Ocean skin

In my ongoing quest to become more Chinese, I’m picking up my Canto-learning again, one step at a time. That means listening to more Cantopop on KKBOX (reading lyrics really helps) and taking note of any interesting phrases I come across.

One of them is 海皮 — “hoi pei”, which means sea shore. I first heard it when taxi drivers would ask me if I wanted to go home via the highway or the “hoi pei”, and it’s never not sounded funny to me.

In my head, I just can’t help visualizing it as literally the “ocean skin” since “海” means ocean and “皮” means skin. Am I crazy?? To be fair, “ocean skin” is a super accurate description of the sea shore as the “skin” can be anything from sandy and bumpy to smooth and layered.

To use this word, simply tell your taxi driver, “NO highway, YES hoi-pei!” Other suggestions welcome!

Miss Fong in Hong Kong Xmas Cards

So, besides selling fook-less Xmas tree ornaments at the Handmade HK bazaar last weekend, I also had a small selection of Xmas cards on sale that I designed myself 😀 (no fook there either, sorry lady)!
There are five designs in total:
  • Chinese Santa
  • Frosty in HK
  • Curry Fishmas
  • Rudolph vs. Rudie
  • All I Want for Xmas is… (Dim Sum!)

Thanks to everyone who came by and picked them up! I hope you’re enjoying your cards/ornaments/bow ties/fimo! 🙂
Also big thanks to the people at Asia Society Hong Kong for stocking my cards! They’re now on sale at the gift store right outside the ultra hip and happening’ AMMO, so be sure to take a peek while you’re on a pee break (the store is in between the restaurant and the restrooms)!
**Update: The Xmas cards are also now stocked at KONZEPP (50 Tung Street, Lower Ground Floor, Sheung Wan)!** Yay! Get ’em while you can! 🙂
Alternatively if you’d like to order any cards from me directly, please feel free to send me an email at sheupy@hotmail.com (I’ve got just a few left!). Thanks and happy holidays everyone! *<|:{) ~ho ho ho!

How to piss off perverts in Hong Kong

Hong Kong girls are known for being slightly more conservative than their overseas counterparts (holla!) — often covering up their skin and what little curves they have with layers of lace and ruffles, so, what’s a horny guy to do? Peek up their skirts, that’s what!
We already know about the genius who installed a camera into the toe of his shoes to snap upskirt photos on moving escalators, but now, thanks to the DAB (that’s Democratic Alliance for the Betterment of Hong Kong, phew!) Women’s Affair Committee, Hong Kong perverts now have over 10 new places to circle under in the hopes of glimpsing some local punani.
On the list of “black spots” that they’ve identified is geek central — the spiral staircase at the Apple Store in IFC — plus various transparent glass floors, fences and elevators at Times Square, Island Beverley mall, the Central Library footbridge and the Hong Kong international airport (basically anywhere with glass, DUH).
The Committee warns us women to not “become the tools of the culprits who commit crimes” (yes, that was a Google translation) and if any of us should become “candid targets”, to report the suspect to the police (as if they’ll be able to do anything :P). 
What Hong Kong women REALLY should be doing is taking matters into their own hands… or should I say pants:

(Please excuse my anatomically incorrect drawings as I have no idea what an upskirt photo actually looks like)

1. Make ’em bleed 

 

2. Give ’em shit

 

3. Create a hairy situation

 

4. Tell ’em to F*CK OFF!

 

5. Put on a pair of bootie shorts FFS!

Okay, so if you really are so concerned about someone looking up your oh-so-precious crotch, either DON’T wear such a freaking short skirt and/or put on one of them bootie shorts (they are sold at most places that sell leggings).

THE END.