The latest battle between me and the office Tea Lady came about after yet another cockroach decided to rear its ugly face on my desk. This time, a rather large, yellow roach was caught creepy-crawling on my office telephone receiver. But by the time I hollered “ROACH!” at the top of my lungs, that little bastard had disappeared, making me look like a total idiot in front of all my colleagues.
For those who know me, you know that I’m a magnet for cockroaches. Somehow, they always seem to pop up around me, no matter if they’re on the street, outside my door or crawling on my cubicle walls. So, it’s totally not my fault that I have cockroaches on my desk.
However, the Tea Lady thinks otherwise. She had already been commenting a lot about my eating patterns, for one.
“Eating AGAIN?” she’d say every time she saw me take out a snack from the fridge. It didn’t matter if it was a box of blueberries or a small cup of yogurt, I was still a pig to her.
“Make sure it doesn’t spill!” she’d say if she saw me reheating a cup of milk tea in the microwave. *rolls eyes* “Yes, ma’am…”
This morning, she cornered me in the pantry and told me how she had sprayed my cubicle down with insecticide and wiped my desk off with bleach.
“Do you know how much crap fell out of your phone when we turned it upside down?” she exclaimed. “You’re eating too much! So many food particles came out!!”
“What!?” I said back. “What are you talking about? I don’t eat over the phone! Plus I keep everything I have in sealed bags!”
Wanting to prove her point, she grabbed onto my upper arm with a death-grip (I’m SO not kidding, her bony hand closed in on my arm like a cold, mechanical robot’s) and led me to my cubicle.
“Look! All this FOOD fell out of your phone!” she said. I looked down into the waste basket and saw what appeared to be black bits of crap, sort of like coffee grinds.
“What?! That’s not food, that’s probably cockroach eggs!” I shouted at her. “How could you think this is food, geez, I told you, I don’t eat stuff over my phone! Ugh!” At this point, she was still gripping onto my arm so I pushed her hand off me and said, “LET ME GO!”
My arm felt properly bruised and I had to rub it for the rest of the morning to get it feeling normal again. I can’t believe her! Wtf!